The summer season always gives us time to unwind. It allows for time to meet up with friends and family, to enjoy nearly 10 weeks of good weather, to go on holiday and undergo activities of the leisurely variety. But the greatest part of the summer holiday is in staying away from that system. One of the most diabolical systems devised by man: a cluster of bureaucracy and despotism; a series of knots and crossovers designed to tire and wear down the souls of those connected to it; an endless cycle of pain and suffering for masses across the millennia to suffer from. I am of course talking about the British Parliamentary System – not the education sector.
Between the 20th of July and 4th of September, both the House of Parliament and House of Lords go on ‘recess’ – it is literally like they’re on a school holiday, which admittedly reflects the childlike nature of parliament. Tuning into BBC News for most of your time during the summer and very few things about the government, or scandals, or laws, or anything of interest can be seen (it does really give you some time to ponder if the license fee is worth paying – I personally was enthralled by the countless repeats of a BBC Breakfast story about an 86 year old man who only eats prunes.) But things do still happen in the political sphere, and it is important to pick up the little things we may have missed over the summer. And this is what I intend to do here: reflect on the developments of British politics in the 46 days where everyone has been away (and the time in which MP Neil Parish can watch videos of tractors in Parliament without getting told off). So, what has happened politically over the summer?
20th July By-elections, Tory Loss
Just before Parliament went into break mode, three constituencies held by-elections (smaller elections for constituencies whose MP got served the equivalent of a detention). The three constituencies in question were: Uxbridge and South Ruislip; Selby and Ainsty; (and) Somerton and Frome. The previous MPs in all these constituencies were the right dishonourable: Boris Johnson; Nigel Adams; (and) David Warburton. Former PM (or ‘Partying Machine’) Boris Johnson resigned over being Boris Johnson. Nigel Adams resigned on the whim of a hissy fit as he didn’t get invited to Johnson’s House of Lords themed Birthday Party. And David Warburton resigned after admitting to the consumption of cocaine – which he was probably pressured in to taking from Michael Gove (who we will come back too). The main link between all these constituencies was that they were all Conservative, and if the Conservatives were to lose drastically in these byelections, it could prove to be a large embarrassment for Rishi Sunak and the Conservative Party. Ultimately: Labour won Selby and Ainsty; the Lib Dems got Somerton and Frome; (and) the heavily conservative seat of Uxbridge and South Ruislip remained in Conservative hands (although my money was on Elmo from the Monster Raving Looney Party – yes, someone really ran to be an MP dressed as Elmo). The victory in Uxbridge and South Ruislip allowed Sunak to save face, but looking into the actual numbers of the election there tells a different story. The difference between the Conservatives and Labour in that by-election was only 1.6%, just 495 votes. The whole by-election business was a real insight into the support of the Conservative Party, after five consecutive Prime Ministers who have all seemingly faltered in their role, only time will tell if Fishy-Dishy-Wishy-Rishi will be able to remain in his position as Prime Minister.
The Migrant Barge and Small Boats crisis
That aforementioned save of face for Rishi Sunak did not appear to last too long, as in late July and Early August, criticism of the government’s new migrant scheme grew more vocal and escalated quite rapidly, with the issue of the Migrant Barge. No, ‘Bibby Stockholm’ is not the name of a whimsical Saturday morning stop motion character from Scandinavia, but rather the government’s new engineless barge in which to house illegal immigrants on (although the boat was actually built in 1976). It was a plan by the government to not only reduce costs of housing migrants in hotels, but also to act as a deterrence to migrants wishing to cross the channel – however, most migrants would say they have not been deterred in anyway. The Barge has faced a lot of controversy ever since its announcement in April. Locals in Dorset were against its docking in Portland, based on moral reasons, an aspect of ‘nimbyism’ and other general qualms. The Barge is said to be able to contain 506 asylum seekers, however many of the rooms capacity has been doubled with the usage of bunk beds, which make the vessel more unsafe – and probably slightly like Briggs. Like the governments obtusely unapologetic ‘stop the boats’ campaign, the barge’s effectiveness has been questioned and heavily ridiculed. If the barge currently can house 506 asylum seekers, which in reality should be just 253, then it would only take 3 days’ worth of migrants who cross the channel to fill it up (as the average number of migrants crossing daily is roughly 85) – so with all the effort put into this barge, there isn’t actually much of an upside to it on the government’s end. Finally, the biggest kick in the teeth came in the government’s ‘Small Boats Week’ – which sounds just like a rubbish primary school week full of arts and crafts and poems where it ends ‘it was all just a dream.’ On the second day of this week, the first migrants came on board the ‘Bibby Stockholm. Also, fun fact, the ‘Bibby’ refers to ‘John Bibby,’ who founded the British Bibby Line shipping company that made the barge – at the same time many of the teachers of Ashville were still in school, the cretaceous period – was known to have profited off of the slave trade – well done Rishi, you’ve named your migrant boat after a slave trader! Anyway, eight migrants get on board, twenty others refuse because they probably have common sense – and that pays off as it is revealed that the water system in the barge has Legionella bacteria, which can lead to Legionnaire’s disease, a severe type of pneumonia. So, the migrants were escorted off the barge on the 11th of August, at the end of the week – and all the events can be summed up in a new remastering of the ‘Grand Old Duke of York’ Nursey Rhyme:
Oh, the grand old Prime Minister,
He had eight migrant men,
He marched them on his little barge,
And he marched them off again.
And when they were off, they were off,
And when they were on, they were on,
And when they found Legionnaires on board,
He had them all marched off.
4th August, Northern Ireland Police Leak, and a follow up MET Police Data Breach.
If we were to take Bibby Stockholm on a small detour, we could reach our next issue across the Irish Sea – the data leak of the Police Service of Northern Ireland (PSNI). Throughout modern history, Northern Ireland has been a contentious topic, on subjects of political authority and domestic terrorism. Between the 1960’s and 1990’s the troubles occurred, and many today will still remember the violence that resulted from them both in Ireland and around the United Kingdom. Although active conflict to the same degree does not continue in Northern Ireland today, the atmosphere is far from settled. The police forces in Northern Ireland perform their roles in a much more dangerous environment than other areas of the UK, and fears of personal safety are constant. So when it came out that on the 6th of July someone stole a laptop out of a police car (probably to play Angry Birds or something), with the personal information of 10,000 active police officers and staff members in the PSNI, those fears were dialled to eleven. This list was later stuck to the walls of a Sinn Fein office, presumably by members of the New IRA (real imaginative name there). As of now, no incidents have been connected with the leak, but many members of the police force in Northern Ireland are seeking financial compensation for the leak, and some are expressing fears over personal safety. This situation has somewhat been worsened in general, as on the 27th the Metropolitan Police reported a similar leak due to a third-party contractor who had been the victim of a vicious cyber-attack – with more fears there of the leakage of personal identities, as well as police operations (probably just big red letters saying ‘ignore Stephen Lawrence case’).
Bonus Story: Sunak in Harrogate.
Getting away from some of the more serious developments for a bonus local news story. On the 21st of August, Rishi Sunak was in Harrogate! Sunak came to visit the Busy Bees Nursey, down by Hornbeam Park’s Business Park – which is close enough to Hornbeam Station for Sunak to make a quick entrance and exit (although knowing Rishi Rich we would have landed his private jet on Leeds Road, or something similar to that).
Michael Gove’s harming river quality via new policy.
Another more relatively recent development politically comes from the aforementioned Michael Gove. In another move that could prove disastrous for Conservative popularity, the government has announced the scrapping of a ‘nutrient neutrality’ law that was introduced in the latter days of the UK’s membership in the EU. The law was a tight regulation over river pollutant, and heavily prohibited the building of new houses around rivers. Now, Gove (Secretary of State for Levelling Up) alongside Thérèse Coffey (Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs – also known as that woman who was in Liz Truss’ cabinet and was photographed at 3 am outside in a dressing gown with a pint in one hand and a lit cigar in the other) have said they will plan to remove such a law for more developments to be allowed. The move has been heavily criticised, especially after recent focuses on the issues of water pollution in the UK – with pollution being dumped for 1.75 million hours’ worth in 2022. Many of the water companies have been criticised for this after the privatisation of water across the UK – with Yorkshire Water being the biggest culprit of polluting. Fills you with Yorkshire pride that. It is a move that is bound to prove unpopular for the Conservatives, and it is somewhat hard to known if their reputation will survive such decisions.
The Conservative Exodus of Nadine Dorries and Ben Wallace.
But on this topic of reputation, some Conservative members may be seeing the writing on the wall already. One of these enlightened individuals is Nadine Dorries, now the former Secretary of State for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport (which is essentially ‘Slacking Off: The Job’ – much like a sixth former in their free periods), after threatening to resign since June (in a similar case to Nigel Adams, throwing a hissy fit over not getting a peerage), has now finally resigned as of the 27th of August. Immediately, Dorries started to rip into Rishi saying, ‘history will not judge you kindly,’ and that ‘the fundamentals of Conservatism’ were being run by a ‘zombie parliament’ – reflecting the long dead Edwardian nature of Jacob Rees Mogg. She intends to continue on this trend with a new book coming out in November that will expose the fall of Boris Johnson – definitely one for the Christmas list. Another notable departure recently is that of Ben Wallace, former Secretary of State for Defence, who has announced that he will be quitting politics at the next election. Unlike Dorries, he will not leave politics immediately, as to not cause a by-election (which would probably have turned out against the Tories, as we saw back in July). Whilst he doesn’t cite any ill-will to the Tories, one may wonder if he also sees what will happen next in politics – performing a similar move to Ramsay MacDonald in the first Labour government, getting out when you have nothing more to gain. It safe to say he would have enough money and influence to live the rest of his days without needing to work in Parliament, like so many other politicians after him: living off of boring, soulless, disinteresting, and dull TV gigs, after dinner speeches and guest appearances – so don’t be surprised when he turns up for a Friday speaker slot.
The issues of RAAC in Schools.
Finally, an issue that hits somewhat close to home in terms of school life. On the 31st of August, the government announced that they would be forcing 104 schools to close after the discovery of RAAC. RAAC (or Reinforced Autoclaved Aerated Concrete) was a type of concrete used after the Second World War, and just up to the turn of the century. It is a cheaper concrete and was used at a time when Britain needed more buildings and public facilities. Like many of the quick and cheap buildings of the post-war epoch, the materials were actually unsafe – notably for RAAC, after years of exposure to moisture, the material starts to disintegrate quite rapidly. The best way to describe it in relation to proper concrete is the comparison between an Aero Bar and a Dairy Milk – one has holes, the other doesn’t. What has made the situation controversial on the government’s end is that it was known about for some time. Concerns over the material have been present. The government has known about buildings with the material since the 90’s, and investigations into the issues surrounding collapses have been ongoing for the past couple of years. It was before the summer that these issues came to ahead and the media started to pick up on it – you may remember one of our governors ‘mentioning’ the issue on prize day, but you will have probably missed it whilst sitting on the Vietcong’s Bamboo Death Trap Chairs for three hours. The real issue comes as the government announces the safety measures just a week before schools return, leading schools to scramble in a frenzy to implement safe educational infrastructure. Meanwhile Sunak and Sons, LTD, do the worst political damage control possible. Sunak himself whines on national television like a five year old who ruined a school art display saying ‘Don’t blame ME for failing to fix RAAC.’ As well, Armando Iannucci’s the Thick of It gets channelled by the Education Secretary, Gillian Keegan, as she is caught on a ‘hot mic’ channelling her inner Nicola Murray with the following comment: ‘Does anyone ever say, “you’ve done a f***ing good job because everyone else has sat on their ass and done nothing,” no does anyone say that?’ Great example for those in education – and another great reason why nobody like the Conservative Government anymore, and maybe raises questions if anyone ever liked them.
Now, it isn’t a lot compared to the winter months, but it can safely be said that the summer holidays have been full of interesting developments in British Politics. What does it all mean? From this alone, to look briefly into the future we could say that this may indicate the imminence of a Labour victory in a general election. However, the political games being played here are more nuanced than that, and a lot of the political power that Keir Starmer and the Labour Party could have used up here can now be easily countered after a recent development. After the ordering to pay more for after a decade long Equal Pay issue, Birmingham City Council announced just before the school term resumed, that they were effectively bankrupt. This is significant for Parliament as Birmingham City Council is a Labour Council, and any accusation Starmer wants to put on Sunak about the events of the summer can now easily be countered by ‘You’ve bankrupted Birmingham.’ By election victories for Labour? ‘Birmingham.’ Barge issues? ‘Birmingham.’ Police data loss? Conservative exodus? RAAC in schools? ‘Birmingham.’ The word that is so often ridiculed for being one of Britain’s worst cities is now a political nightmare for Starmer, as it removes his power to put any more pressure on the Conservative Party. But the Conservaitves aren’t out the woods yet. Lest we forget the days of Johnson and Truss – these events will still continue to be a harbinger of doom for the Conservative government and Rishi Sunak by the next general election. For now, we will wait to see how events play out when the election comes, but if I were a betting man, I know who my money would be on.